[Vhfcn-l] Monday musings

[Gary Thewlis]

In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.

Woody Allen

 

As you may or may not know, in keeping with the high-class tone of Beverly
Hills, our police force is probably the most snobbish group of gendarmes in
the world. It is said that the Beverly Hills Police Department is so fancy
that it has an unlisted number.

Jack Benny

 

My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was
right. I feel ten years older already.

Milton Berle

 

I love to sing, and I love to drink scotch. Most people would rather hear me
drink scotch.

George Burns

 

We should make politicians dress like race car drivers -- when they get
money, make them wear the company logos on their suit.

Jay Leno

 

We pick politicians by how they look on TV and Miss America on where she
stands on the issues. Isn't that a little backwards?

Jay Leno

 

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God willing and the creek don't rise

 

An item floating around the internet claims that the expression God willing
and the creek don't rise referred to the Creek Indians, not a body of water.
It mentions Benjamin Hawkins of the late 18th century, who was asked by the
US president to go back to Washington. In his reply, he was said to have
written, "God willing and the Creek don't rise". Because he capitalized
Creek it's asserted that he was referring to the Creek Indian tribe and not
a body of water.

 

However, this is quite certainly not true. Every researcher who has
investigated the expression has dismissed an Indian connection as untrue.
The tale is widely reproduced and believed nevertheless. It's worth looking
into because of the way in which it has been elaborated.

 

Anecdotal evidence suggests that it has been in regular use throughout the
lifetimes of some elderly folk in parts of the US, either in the form given
or as the good Lord willing and the creek don't rise. One such bit says it
was a sign-off tag line of the 1930s US radio broadcaster Bradley Kincaid.

 

If we relied on written sources it would be hard to believe in such
continued use. The written record dates the saying from about the middle of
the nineteenth century, but just four instances from that century were
found. Then there's a long gap in the record before it began to appear again
in the 1950s. It took a further decade for it to become popular as a
supposedly hayseed utterance, sometimes as and the crick don't rise to
reflect a regional form.

 

The earliest example known is this mock rustic speech:

 

Feller-citizens - I'm not 'customed to public speakin' before sich
highfalutin' audiences. ... Yet here I stand before you a speckled hermit,
wrapt in the risen-sun counterpane of my popilarity, an' intendin',
Providence permittin', and the creek don't rise, to "go it blind!" -
Graham's American Monthly Magazine, Jun. 1851.

 

And this is one appearance in a newspaper:

 

We are an American people, born under the flag of independence and if the
Lord is willing and the creeks don't rise, the American people who made this
country will come pretty near controlling it. - The Lafayette gazette
(Louisiana), 3 Nov. 1894.

 

You will have spotted that neither of these capitalises creek, which
suggests they didn't have the Creek people in mind. In fact, virtually all
the examples found in books and newspaper archives down to the present day
are in lower-case.

 

That argues for a more mundane origin: the old-time difficulties of
travelling on dirt roads that forded rivers and streams; a sudden storm
could cause water levels to rise without warning and render the route
impassable. If the creek don't rise was a whimsical way of saying that the
speaker would carry out some task provided that no figurative obstacle were
put in his path. It can be summarised as "if all goes well". It's a more
conditional statement of intent than come hell or high water.

 

The saying has been attributed to Abraham Lincoln and Andrew Jackson among
others, on the usual principle that attaching a famous name to a story
validates it. Mentioning Benjamin Hawkins is a masterstroke, since he was
the General Superintendent for Indian Affairs between 1796 and 1818 and was
principal Indian agent to the Creek nation; he became so close to its people
that he learned their language, was adopted by them and married a Creek
woman. Who better to write about the risks of the Creek rising in revolt?

 

But if the supposed letter was ever written, it doesn't now exist in any
archive that any researcher has so far found (his letters have been
published, if anybody would like to check). It must surely be the creation
of a fertile modern mind desiring to put the flesh of evidence on the dry
bones of outright invention. And even if it did, the initial capital letter
would mean nothing, as at the time it was still common practice to
capitalise all nouns.

 

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How long is a day on Mars?

A: 24 hours, 37 minutes and 22 seconds.

 

What gives the gemstone turquoise its distinctive color?

A: Traces of copper.

 

What is the most plentiful element in seawater?

A: Chlorine.

 

What device was introduced commercially in 1934 as a "portable super
regenerative receiver and transmitter"?

A: The walkie-talkie.

 

What color is topaz in its pure state?

A: It's colorless. Topaz takes on a variety of hues from trace elements,
radiation and defects in its crystal structure. Pale gold-brown it its most
common color.

 

Before the barometer was discovered, what animal did German meteorologists
use to predict air pressure changes?

A: The frog. Frogs croak when the pressure drops.

 

At what temperature does water boil at the top of Mount Everest?

A: At 150 F (or 70 C). At sea level, the boiling point of water is 212 F
(100 C). As you get higher, the atmospheric pressure drops, and with it the
boiling point of water.