[Vhfcn-l] Monday musings

[Gary Thewlis]

I have never developed indigestion from eating my words.

Winston Churchill

 

The future will be better tomorrow.

Dan Quayle

 

You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat
six.

Yogi Berra

 

Being president is like being a jackass in a hailstorm. There's nothing to
do but to stand there and take it.

Lyndon Johnson

 

Democracy is like a tambourine - not everyone can be trusted with it.

John Oliver

 

In science it often happens that scientists say, 'You know that's a really
good argument; my position is mistaken,' and then they would actually change
their minds and you never hear that old view from them again. They really do
it. It doesn't happen as often as it should, because scientists are human
and change is sometimes painful. But it happens every day. I cannot recall
the last time something like that happened in politics or religion.

Carl Sagan

 

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9 Epic Literary Burns

 

1. ERNEST HEMINGWAY TO WILLIAM FAULKNER

It's not much of a surprise that these two writers of such differing styles
would butt heads. This tiff in particular began with Faulkner accusing
Hemingway of never using a word that would send a reader to the dictionary.
Hemingway's classic response still serves as sound advice to writers today.
"Poor Faulkner," Hemingway said, "Does he really think big emotions come
from big words?"

 

2. TRUMAN CAPOTE TO JACK KEROUAC

In an attempt to undermine the success of Jack Kerouac's On the Road, which
had overshadowed his own recent release, Breakfast at Tiffany's, Truman
Capote took a shot at the budding author when he was asked for his thoughts
about the up-and-coming Beat Generation. "None of these people have anything
interesting to say and none of them can write, not even Mr. Kerouac," he
said. "That isn't writing. It's typing." In the end, Kerouac got the last
laugh, as his "typing" style of "spontaneous writing" turned out to be quite
popular.

 

3. MARK TWAIN ON JANE AUSTEN

Twain's hatred for Austen's writing seemingly knew no limits. He once said
that "Her books madden me so that I can't conceal my frenzy from the reader;
and therefore I have to stop every time I begin. Every time I read Pride and
Prejudice, I want to dig her up and hit her over the skull with her own
shin-bone."

 

4. GEORGE BERNARD SHAW ON WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE

Whether he was jealous of the great playwright or simply hated his swagger,
Shaw made his dislike of Shakespeare very clear:

 

"I have striven hard to open English eyes to the emptiness of Shakespeare's
philosophy, to the superficiality and second-handedness of his morality, to
his weakness and incoherence as a thinker, to his snobbery, his vulgar
prejudices, his ignorance, his disqualifications of all sorts for the
philosophic eminence claimed for him." 

 

He even made a puppet play, Shakes versus Shav, that featured a quarrel
between himself and the Bard.

 

5. WILLIAM FAULKNER ON MARK TWAIN

Faulkner would eventually praise Twain as "the Father of American
literature," but as a young writer and student at Ole Miss, he apparently
wasn't impressed, calling him "a hack writer who would not have been
considered fourth rate in Europe, who tricked out a few of the old proven
sure fire literary skeletons with sufficient local color to intrigue the
superficial and the lazy."

 

6. ERNEST HEMINGWAY TO GERTRUDE STEIN

Hemingway and Stein were good friends after their initial introduction, but
a feud grew between the two that would last the remainder of their lives and
careers. The initial conflict began over the work of Sherwood Anderson,
about which Hemingway was very critical. In The Autobiography of Alice B.
Toklas, Stein painted an unflattering picture of Hemingway. Hemingway struck
back in A Moveable Feast, in which he criticized both Stein and her prose,
saying that her work contained "repetitions that a more conscientious and
less lazy writer would have put in the waste basket."

 

7. MARY MCCARTHY TO LILLIAN HELLMAN

This female duel is particularly noteworthy due to its tongue-in-cheek
mediation by Norman Mailer, a quote that still draws a smile today in the
presence of literary quarrels. 

 

When McCarthy was a guest on The Dick Cavett Show on PBS in 1980, she
blasted Hellman, calling her "a dishonest writer" and saying that "every
word she writes is a lie, including 'and' and 'the.'" Hellman responded with
a $2.25 million lawsuit against McCarthy, Cavett, and PBS.

 

Mailer, who had been following the feud, told Hellman to drop the case,
saying that if she won, "then every American writer will have to feel that
much more tongue-tied at daring to criticize another American writer without
qualification."

 

8. ERNEST HEMINGWAY TO WALLACE STEVENS

It seemed that Hemingway always had his hand in the cookie jar, and it was
this cockiness that made him so interesting beyond the page. While he can
typically be counted on for a good one-liner, words weren't enough to solve
his problem with Wallace Stevens. Hemingway had heard that Stevens had said
"By God I wish I had that Hemingway here now. I'd knock him out with a
single punch." They got into a fight on the streets in Florida, a
confrontation during which Stevens broke his hand. Given Hemingway's love
for the sport of boxing, the fight was, we're sure, Hemingway at his best.

 

9. STEPHEN KING TO JAMES PATTERSON

In 2007, Stephen King criticized James Patterson. "I don't like him," King
said. "I don't respect his books because every one is the same." 

 

Taking the high road, James Patterson replied: "Recently Stephen King
commented that he doesn't have any respect for me. Doesn't make too much
sense-I'm a good dad, a nice husband-my only crime is I've sold millions of
books." Fair enough, James.

 

 

If you have three quarters, four dimes, and four pennies, you have $1.19.
You also have the largest amount of money in coins without being able to
make change for a dollar.

 

Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying.

 

What is called a "French kiss" in the English speaking world is known as an
"English kiss" in France.

 

Horatio Nelson, one of England's most illustrious admirals was throughout
his life, never able to find a cure for his sea-sickness.

 

Fingernails grow nearly 4 times faster than toenails.

 

Honey is the only food that does not spoil. Honey found in the tombs of
Egyptian pharaohs has been tasted by archaeologists and found edible.

 

More people are allergic to cow's milk than any other food.